My Testimony [5/5/12]

Hello Hello!

Tomorrow, I will finally be getting baptized! Well, I guess it's today now... But I'm sure you all know what I mean. At my church, we do a water baptism, so every person who gets baptized has to write a short testimony. I've been working on my testimony for a few hours... I wish I could put in every single detail of what the Lord has done in my life, but I could only put in the most important things. It's still very, very long though. 

Our God is an awesome God. He's a wonderful God. Full of wonders. Well, tonight, I thought I would share my testimony with you. God changed me from a human filled with hate, to a child of God filled with love. He is so great! 

My name is Kristen Joo, I am 19 years old, and a child of God.

Although I have no single, crazy event that led me to be saved, I had a series of events and multiple people that God used to bring me closer to Him, and the way he planned my life, and the way it perfectly unravelled, is just so wonderful and beautiful.

I was born and raised in a Christian family. Since I can remember, I have been going to church every single Sunday. I absolutely wasn’t allowed to skip church, and there was no arguing with that! So, every Sunday, I would go to church, and although I would be physically present, my mind would be worlds away. I would listen to story after story about this figure named God, but… I never got to know Him… I just attended church on Sunday, and then I went back to my old self for the rest of the week.

To be completely honest, I can’t remember when I was saved. There were so many times when I was on a spiritual high, but each lasted only a few weeks. So, I continued to live in a tug of war life with God. He would pull me closer to Him, and I would pull away. Closer, away. Closer, and away again.

But one thing I realized.. Is that he never lets us go. Once we are His, we are always His.

My initial goal for university was to move to Toronto so that I could be with my cousins. I applied at a couple schools around that area, but God had very different plans in mind. All of my plans to move to Toronto were thrown away, and I somehow ended up in Ottawa. I was upset at first, but I got over it quickly, because all I really wanted was to move away from home.

Once I arrived in Ottawa, I was finally free. I could do anything I wanted to do. I stayed up until 5 in the morning, I didn’t clean my room, I ate all the junk food I wanted, and the whole time, I had no parents nagging me! I also decided that I wasn’t going to go to church anymore. This new freedom that I had meant I could sleep in until 2 on Sundays; I could stay up late on Saturday night, and know I would have the next day to sleep. So, I stopped going to church...

But, my Mom started calling me. Every time she called me, she asked me, “Kristen, have you gone to church yet?” Every time, I would say, “No, I haven’t found one.” So, being the efficient mother she is, she found a church for me. But.. It was a Korean church. Because I can’t speak Korean, I’ve always had a very difficult time with Korean people. They see my face, and they immediately have expectations that I can not meet. Therefore, I avoided them at all costs. I tried a church, but it didn’t work out. So, to get my Mom to stop nagging me, I dragged myself to this dreaded Korean church.

God definitely wanted me to be there, because the first Sunday I attended was spectacular! I was so warmly welcomed by the people, and everybody spoke to me in English!! It was awesome!!  Before I knew it, I had built wonderful, Christ-based relationships. God began to use me, and change me. He changed me, and he continues to change me so much! There are many ways where God has changed me, but there is one huge area that He has changed. He really began to teach me how to love others.

Before I went away to university, I was filled with so much hate… I hated everything. I hated anybody that corrected me, I hated anybody that hated me, I hated anybody that was too nice to me. I just hated everything. This hate really showed in my actions… I treated my family terribly. I treated my friends without the care they deserved. I hurt people in ways so bad, I can’t bear to think about it now. My words were used as a sword to stab, and discourage. The purpose of my words was to bring people down… The fact that I struggled with pride didn’t help either. I wanted people to see me as above others. In ways, I was trying to glorify myself.

I think this may have been why I couldn’t get closer to God… I felt so, so guilty for how I had treated his beautiful creations. These were His own children that I was discouraging and hating! I had caused so much hurt and pain in these people… How could He bear to love me too?

But, for some reason, God kept loving me. I was constantly reminded of His love for us. There were verses all over the place about his love. There were people all over the place reminding me of how great his love is. God’s love was literally surrounding me! 

This verse is the only verse I have ever memorized. It has been on my heart for several years… It has never left me, and for some reason, I always catch myself saying it in my head.  

John 3:16  “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” 

Although these words were always on my heart, I never really thought about what they meant. But, as this past school year went by, God has been showing me more, and more. He has been opening my eyes and my heart. I finally realized what He had done for me! Even now, after I’ve realized it, I’m still mind-blown. He loved me THAT MUCH? Who am I to deserve this love? I am a sinner. I am unworthy, I am worthless, I am nothing. My world was filled with hate, pride, and jealousy… But, He still showed me His grace. He forgave me for ALL of my sins. ALL OF THEM! I still cannot believe it. Every single dirty, disgusting, revolting sin has been forgiven by the grace of God.

When I discovered this unimaginable love God has for us, a passion began to stir inside my heart. I want to become like Him. I want to be a reflection of Him! When I look into the mirror, I don’t want to see myself; I want to see Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour! As I have been getting closer and closer to Him, He has truly been changing and moulding me. I pray He will make me a humble servant, so that I may do His will. I pray He will help me give up my whole life for Him! I pray He will continue change me, so that I may love like He does. 

Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me.

Today, I am proclaiming my love for Jesus! I am committing the rest of my life to do the work of the Lord!

Your Kingdom come,

Your will be done

On earth as it is in Heaven. 

- kjoosaurus out!