Wow, it sure has been a while since I've last written anything! And this is the first time I've written something at 6 in the morning! Holy moly, I hope what I say makes sense. I just had my first meal after fasting, and although it feels sooo good to be full, from kalbi, kimchi jigae, bap and japchae hehe, it feels even better to know that God revealed something amazing to me. Well, he revealed more than one thing to me.
Fasting... It's tough! I've never fasted for such a long time. Last night, I was so HUNGRY and so EXCITED about my next meal that I didn't fall asleep until 2 or 3 in the morning, and then of course because I was still hungry, I woke up at 5:30 in the morning. I was salivating like crazy when I woke up. But, as I was eating, I realized I was still hungry. I had eaten all of that food, but there was something more I wanted, something I craved! So, naturally, I brought out my beautiful bible :)
I felt like I needed to read the book of John. There was this little internal argument going on in my head hehe. One part of me was saying, "You've already read this! You don't need to read it again. This would be your third time!" While another part of me was saying, "REAAAAD ITTTTT NOWWW."
So, I read it.
The part I opened to was John 4:34-38.
34 “My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work. 35 Don’t you have a saying, ‘It’s still four months until harvest’? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. 36 Even now the one who reaps draws a wage and harvests a crop for eternal life, so that the sower and the reaper may be glad together. 37 Thus the saying ‘One sows and another reaps’ is true. 38 I sent you to reap what you have not worked for. Others have done the hard work, and you have reaped the benefits of their labor.”
What was I truly hungry for? I was hungry to do the will of God. I was hungry for more of Him, and God showed me and reminded me that the hunger I have for food was nothing in comparison to the hunger I have for his will. I will never be satisfied by the food I eat; I will always crave more and more and more and in the end, I will never be full. But the Lord is faithful, and when I am hungry for him, and when I search for him, he will fill my cup until it is overflowing.
Not only was I reminded of how much I need Him, but I was also reminded of his great love for me - for us!
Last night, as I was so hungry and so tired (yet not sleeping), I was put in a position that I would never wish to be in. It was a sense of betrayal from somebody I had cared so much about, and I was angry. Super, super angry. I went on a rampage, and became a destructive ball of anger. I called out to God, and I asked Him to help me! I felt so lost, and alone.. Betrayed and abandoned. Normally, when I pray and ask God to help me, there is nothing but silence. This time, things were different. I was reminded of how God cares so much for us, and how he doesn't want us to hurt! Yes, he does discipline us, but the pain and the challenge won't last forever.
Psalm 18:16-19
New International Version (NIV)
16 He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the Lord was my support.
19 He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.
he drew me out of deep waters.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the Lord was my support.
19 He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.
I love this passage... It shows the true power and strength of our Lord, Jesus Christ. He is the Almighty God, and our faithful father! Last night, in a time of hardship, he provided me with more than what I needed. He surrounded me with love, and he reminded me of how he loves us. He helped me forgive somebody who had hurt me in the past, and it is a beautiful feeling! Forgiveness is amazing. I'm not sure about you, but I find it so difficult. Just thinking about the people who have hurt me, and the way they have hurt me, I never want to forgive them, but as we pray and pray, the Lord blesses us with a forgiving heart, does he not? Of course, I haven't forgiven everybody yet, but the day is coming :) He is still by my side, he is still loving me, and he is still surrounding me.
Psalms 18 really encourages and reminds me of how great, loving and powerful he is! I hope it encourages you as well. May we always remember the grace he has shown us, and the power of his love for us! For we would be empty, broken, and lost if we did not have Him.
We love you, Lord!
- kjoosaurus out!
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