Hello :]
I'm back again! Haha. Second time in a WEEK. How exciting. I wish I had written more this summer... I actually really enjoy writing, and I love sharing with people, but as I've mentioned before, I was really struggling this summer and I think I just didn't feel like I was in the right place to be writing and sharing with people. But today, I'm writing because I want to share about what I learned from the struggle!
It's crazy how much of a difference time can make; we can go from the lowest point to the highest point in such a short time. But what do we have to do to get there? What is happening in the time from the lowest to the highest point? What is working - WHO is working?
I'm not sure if everybody else is the same, but the biggest aspect I've noticed from my roller coaster ride in my life, is that in every second, in every twist and turn, I see God. I see his hands moving from one end to the other; I see them working in building, shaping and moulding. For some reason, I normally don't see it in the process of it, but I notice it afterwards when it has already been done.
God has taught me something absolutely amazing these past few months. . As I was going through struggles this past while, I was feeling so alone and useless. I felt like nobody wanted me, and nobody cared about me. It really sucked! I kept complaining and complaining. "God, why are you doing this to me? Why are you letting this happen?" But he just remained silent, and I was forced to endure everything "alone."
This went on for months. I was in the dark; I was lost. I came back to Ottawa in hopes that everything would become perfect again, but nope, I was wrong. I was still in the dark. I forced myself to go to church, I forced myself to help out, and I forced myself to pray. Then, things started to get even worse. Everyday was a struggle. It felt like my friends were absent from my life, and I didn't have my family with me either. I didn't know what I was doing!
Then I started to notice something weird. Well, it's not really weird, it's great, but it was different. I noticed an abundance of people in my life who loved and cared for me. They were coming from all different directions; they were people I never would have expected to come into my life. I didn't really realize the work behind it all at first, but then as I kept talking with friends, one friend mentioned to me the glory of God, and how we should be thankful at all times.
That's when it hit me. It was GOD! He was comforting me and He was loving me. He was the hand behind it all, and He was teaching me to remember that He will never forsake me or abandon me, and that I should always be grateful for whatever He does, and for whatever I'm going through. It doesn't matter how bad a struggle is, or how bad a problem is. He will always be there, and he will always be glorified in every situation.
1 Peter 4: 12-13:
Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.
We are lucky to be able to go through the pain and sufferings, for God will be glorified through it all! We should always rejoice, and always praise His name, for He has blessed us to be able to experience not only the pain, but His glory as well!! I often forget that this world is not my home... It's only a pit stop before we go to our real home, and we get to be with our Father.
I hope we can all try our best to remember to be thankful at all times, and to rejoice in our sufferings and our joys! I'm sorry this post is a bit messy... I blame it on my illness hehe. But I hope you get the general gist of it! May your day be filled with joy~
kjoosaurus out!
Friday, September 28, 2012
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Hungry for Him [9/26/2012]
Hello all~
Wow, it sure has been a while since I've last written anything! And this is the first time I've written something at 6 in the morning! Holy moly, I hope what I say makes sense. I just had my first meal after fasting, and although it feels sooo good to be full, from kalbi, kimchi jigae, bap and japchae hehe, it feels even better to know that God revealed something amazing to me. Well, he revealed more than one thing to me.
Fasting... It's tough! I've never fasted for such a long time. Last night, I was so HUNGRY and so EXCITED about my next meal that I didn't fall asleep until 2 or 3 in the morning, and then of course because I was still hungry, I woke up at 5:30 in the morning. I was salivating like crazy when I woke up. But, as I was eating, I realized I was still hungry. I had eaten all of that food, but there was something more I wanted, something I craved! So, naturally, I brought out my beautiful bible :)
I felt like I needed to read the book of John. There was this little internal argument going on in my head hehe. One part of me was saying, "You've already read this! You don't need to read it again. This would be your third time!" While another part of me was saying, "REAAAAD ITTTTT NOWWW."
So, I read it.
The part I opened to was John 4:34-38.
34 “My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work. 35 Don’t you have a saying, ‘It’s still four months until harvest’? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. 36 Even now the one who reaps draws a wage and harvests a crop for eternal life, so that the sower and the reaper may be glad together. 37 Thus the saying ‘One sows and another reaps’ is true. 38 I sent you to reap what you have not worked for. Others have done the hard work, and you have reaped the benefits of their labor.”
What was I truly hungry for? I was hungry to do the will of God. I was hungry for more of Him, and God showed me and reminded me that the hunger I have for food was nothing in comparison to the hunger I have for his will. I will never be satisfied by the food I eat; I will always crave more and more and more and in the end, I will never be full. But the Lord is faithful, and when I am hungry for him, and when I search for him, he will fill my cup until it is overflowing.
Not only was I reminded of how much I need Him, but I was also reminded of his great love for me - for us!
Last night, as I was so hungry and so tired (yet not sleeping), I was put in a position that I would never wish to be in. It was a sense of betrayal from somebody I had cared so much about, and I was angry. Super, super angry. I went on a rampage, and became a destructive ball of anger. I called out to God, and I asked Him to help me! I felt so lost, and alone.. Betrayed and abandoned. Normally, when I pray and ask God to help me, there is nothing but silence. This time, things were different. I was reminded of how God cares so much for us, and how he doesn't want us to hurt! Yes, he does discipline us, but the pain and the challenge won't last forever.
I love this passage... It shows the true power and strength of our Lord, Jesus Christ. He is the Almighty God, and our faithful father! Last night, in a time of hardship, he provided me with more than what I needed. He surrounded me with love, and he reminded me of how he loves us. He helped me forgive somebody who had hurt me in the past, and it is a beautiful feeling! Forgiveness is amazing. I'm not sure about you, but I find it so difficult. Just thinking about the people who have hurt me, and the way they have hurt me, I never want to forgive them, but as we pray and pray, the Lord blesses us with a forgiving heart, does he not? Of course, I haven't forgiven everybody yet, but the day is coming :) He is still by my side, he is still loving me, and he is still surrounding me.
Psalms 18 really encourages and reminds me of how great, loving and powerful he is! I hope it encourages you as well. May we always remember the grace he has shown us, and the power of his love for us! For we would be empty, broken, and lost if we did not have Him.
We love you, Lord!
- kjoosaurus out!
Wow, it sure has been a while since I've last written anything! And this is the first time I've written something at 6 in the morning! Holy moly, I hope what I say makes sense. I just had my first meal after fasting, and although it feels sooo good to be full, from kalbi, kimchi jigae, bap and japchae hehe, it feels even better to know that God revealed something amazing to me. Well, he revealed more than one thing to me.
Fasting... It's tough! I've never fasted for such a long time. Last night, I was so HUNGRY and so EXCITED about my next meal that I didn't fall asleep until 2 or 3 in the morning, and then of course because I was still hungry, I woke up at 5:30 in the morning. I was salivating like crazy when I woke up. But, as I was eating, I realized I was still hungry. I had eaten all of that food, but there was something more I wanted, something I craved! So, naturally, I brought out my beautiful bible :)
I felt like I needed to read the book of John. There was this little internal argument going on in my head hehe. One part of me was saying, "You've already read this! You don't need to read it again. This would be your third time!" While another part of me was saying, "REAAAAD ITTTTT NOWWW."
So, I read it.
The part I opened to was John 4:34-38.
34 “My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work. 35 Don’t you have a saying, ‘It’s still four months until harvest’? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. 36 Even now the one who reaps draws a wage and harvests a crop for eternal life, so that the sower and the reaper may be glad together. 37 Thus the saying ‘One sows and another reaps’ is true. 38 I sent you to reap what you have not worked for. Others have done the hard work, and you have reaped the benefits of their labor.”
What was I truly hungry for? I was hungry to do the will of God. I was hungry for more of Him, and God showed me and reminded me that the hunger I have for food was nothing in comparison to the hunger I have for his will. I will never be satisfied by the food I eat; I will always crave more and more and more and in the end, I will never be full. But the Lord is faithful, and when I am hungry for him, and when I search for him, he will fill my cup until it is overflowing.
Not only was I reminded of how much I need Him, but I was also reminded of his great love for me - for us!
Last night, as I was so hungry and so tired (yet not sleeping), I was put in a position that I would never wish to be in. It was a sense of betrayal from somebody I had cared so much about, and I was angry. Super, super angry. I went on a rampage, and became a destructive ball of anger. I called out to God, and I asked Him to help me! I felt so lost, and alone.. Betrayed and abandoned. Normally, when I pray and ask God to help me, there is nothing but silence. This time, things were different. I was reminded of how God cares so much for us, and how he doesn't want us to hurt! Yes, he does discipline us, but the pain and the challenge won't last forever.
Psalm 18:16-19
New International Version (NIV)
16 He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the Lord was my support.
19 He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.
he drew me out of deep waters.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the Lord was my support.
19 He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.
I love this passage... It shows the true power and strength of our Lord, Jesus Christ. He is the Almighty God, and our faithful father! Last night, in a time of hardship, he provided me with more than what I needed. He surrounded me with love, and he reminded me of how he loves us. He helped me forgive somebody who had hurt me in the past, and it is a beautiful feeling! Forgiveness is amazing. I'm not sure about you, but I find it so difficult. Just thinking about the people who have hurt me, and the way they have hurt me, I never want to forgive them, but as we pray and pray, the Lord blesses us with a forgiving heart, does he not? Of course, I haven't forgiven everybody yet, but the day is coming :) He is still by my side, he is still loving me, and he is still surrounding me.
Psalms 18 really encourages and reminds me of how great, loving and powerful he is! I hope it encourages you as well. May we always remember the grace he has shown us, and the power of his love for us! For we would be empty, broken, and lost if we did not have Him.
We love you, Lord!
- kjoosaurus out!
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