Lord, where are you? [5/7/12]

Lord, where are you right now? 

It's dark in this place. I feel like I'm drowning, and I'm looking for light. 

It was just recently when I was rejoicing with you... You remember that, right? I declared to the congregation my love for you! I made my love for you public, and the devil hated it. 

You saw how he attacked me right after. He just couldn't wait to see me fall. 

I claimed to have gotten over it, but Lord, I'm still struggling. 

I always listened to people talk about times when they were struggling, and how they felt as if you weren't even there. I never truly understood what they meant; I could only imagine, but Lord, I understand how they feel now. This feeling of abandonment is really depressing. It's dragging my spirits lower, and lower. Lord, what is it that you want me to do? 

Yesterday, you taught me that I can't fight the devil with my own strength. And I've been trying to rely on you! This whole time, I have been seeking you. But Lord, where are you right now? The devil and the demons are attacking me over, and over again. I feel like I'm being used as a punching bag. He's hitting me from left, right and center. Did you hear that? That was him cackling as he watched me get hurt again. 

Was I just running away from my problems? Was I just refusing to acknowledge them? Have they always been there? They're right in front of me now. Lord, these problems are right in my face. All I want to do is run away. I want to run to a place where nobody can find me. I want to go to a land where nobody knows me. This is what I want, but what is it that you want? 

Psalm 108:4 

For great is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.

I'm relying on this verse, God. I know the devil thinks he's beginning to get a hold of me, but even though I'm struggling, I'm going to continue to turn to you. Lord, stop these tears from streaming down my face. Bring me close to you again.

Satan... He is trying so hard to make me turn away from you, but I'm not going to give up. Those words I spoke were true. I am forever and ever yours. I am going to be yours only. So please, give me strength at this time. Give me wisdom so that I may make the decisions that glorify you. Give me peace, so all the pain will leave my heart. In this time of loneliness and despair, comfort me. I will be patiently waiting for you, Lord.

Deuteronomy 31:6

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. 

& kjoosaurus has left.